What's Next for the AIDS Monster?

"Interview with the AIDS Monster," a Randy Boyd Blocks exclusive, continues as part of the AIDS Monster Movie Marathon, a blog special celebrating Halloween 2008. Now, more of the interview:

Randy Boyd, aka Joe the Interviewer: So what's next for the great Count Randolpho and the role that made him a household name? What's Next for the AIDS Monster?

Count Randolpho, aka Joe the Legendary Old Actor: I understand I'm to appear in your next novel, as a matter of fact, speaking of shameless plugs.

Q: Oh, really? I did not realize the script called for a shameless plug right here ...

A: He says rather coyly. Yes, really, creator o' mine and o' script. Maybe your conscious doesn't know it yet, but you've booked me for your next big project, what's it? Oh, yeah, your upcoming four-book series. I'm doing, oh, yeah, part 2, The Bearcat Boyz Exit to Tulsa. I must say, I play a rather handsome AIDS Monster in a Wild West kinda scene, do we have a still shot from the dailies?


Q: We're not supposed to talk about The Bearcat Boyz, Books 1-4 during this interview.

A: The Bearcat Boyz, Books 1-4 hasn't been official announced on your blog, the Count knows that. But hey, I saw a mention of it already on Outsports.com. That Jim and Cyd, man, those two cats are my heroes with what they've accomplished with that website.

Q: Fine, but let's not talk about my Bearcat Boyz yet.

A: Too, late, the boyz at the best blessed homo jock website done scooped ya and nutted the Bearcat Boyz for you. Now it's up to you to come though with this so-called revolutionary new story about two boys in love in high school.

Q: Yes, but—

A: What's the harm in letting Blockheads know about the first book, what's it called? The Bearcat Boyz do the Road, Hit the Road, On the Road, that's it. Bearcat Boyz, Book 1.

Q: Excuse me, Count, but the official title is The Bearcat Boyz on the Road of Life, Bearcat Boyz, Book 1.

A: Good luck getting the instant text world to jump on that flying football stadium. No offense, but you realize you're an unknown, pissant writer with a following of what, what's it up to now, 2 or 3.

Q: I had five return visitors to my blog this week, thank you very much.

A: You talk a lot like me, you know that?

Q: Anyway, Count, gotta wrap up here.

A: What? Can't I tell 'em about my upcoming appearance in The Bearcat Boyz Exit to Tulsa? I mean it is Bearcat Boyz Book 2, right?


Q: Yes, but—

A: I think it's gonna be great, from what I've read of the script, I mean novel, I mean ... anyway ...

Q: Count Randolpho, could we please ...

A: Settle down, Joe the Unknown Writer, I got a story to tell.

Q: Wrap it up, quick, Joe the Old Buzzard of a Hollywood Has-Been.

A: The AIDS Monster will be back in the stories of our dreams when one of the two boys in love in the Bearcat Boyz will turn out to be .... drum roll ... one of the Poz People! Cue my evil laugh on the audio cart, I'm too old to do that kinda shit anymore.

Q: Are we done, Sir?

A: Wait, you were supposed to ask me about my all-time favorite AIDS Monster Movies.

Q: Oh, right, sorry.

A: Yeah, I bet you are.

Q: Unfortunately, we've run outta time here @ the Blocks.

A: Can it, conscious o' mine. I came here to promote your shit and reminiscence about my glorious and lucrative career.

Q: Okay, but one last question before you start. Is it true you lost out for the role of Derek Mayfield, the black man with a big heart in Bridge Across the Ocean by well, by me?

A: Not done with the plugs, eh? That rumor is as false as the Republican party's claims about Barack Obama being a socialist who pals around with terrorists. I was not available for that role in Bridge Across the Ocean, your heartwarming, feel-good AIDS story from 1988. It happens in an actor's career, you know. I also wasn't able to star in the hugely successful horror thriller Kaposi Killer. Now that was a tragedy, more or less, but I hear they might do a remake.

Q: Now we've really run outta time, Count. Halloween's almost over for another year.

A: Like hell. Shocking twist! I'm here all Halloween Weekend, folks!

Q: Say what?

A: That's right, Blocks fans, it's an AIDS Monster Movie Marathon, after all, eh? Besides, I have it on good authority you're gonna splice up my interview and run it in installments all weekend long, just like the networks do with their most precious and exclusive celebrity interviews.

Stop Fighting AIDS Already!

More of Randy Boyd's "Interview with the AIDS Monster," a special Halloween treat as part of the AIDS Monster Movie Marathon at Randy Boyd's Blocks.

Randy of Randy Boyd's Blocks: What do you want, you sexy beast?

Count Randolpho: Remember, I'm the AIDS Monster. If you don't show me some love and attention, and treat me right, I won't make nice with you either. You don't have to fight me. That was the main point of all the AIDS Monster Movies, a point the fearful ones miss and as a result, suffer a most hideous fate. You don't have to fight AIDS. In fact, my movie Stop Fighting AIDS Already! is gonna be on my list of favorite classics, as you'll see here in a second.

Q: Could you please make your point, Count Randolpho, star of the great AIDS Monster Movies of our time?

A: You don't live with the AIDS Monster in your body or in your town by fighting it or trying to destroy it. The AIDS Monster is a beast that ain't going away. But it is a beast you may contain, but only if you show it some love and treat it like you yourself want to be treated, with kindness and compassion.

Q: Interesting. Tell me more.

A: The world can relate to working it out with a ferocious beast in an animated Disney film meant for the whole family. Now the AIDS Monster would like to see the world befriend the AIDS beast. Otherwise, like all living things and creatures, if you fight me, I'm gonna fight back. On the other hand, if you accept me and learn how to get along with me, we don't have to fight at all. And life doesn't have to be a horror film or our worst dreams come true. Now can I get on with my list of favorite monster movies?

The Monster's Favorite Monster Movies

"Interview with the AIDS Monster," a special Halloween treat of the AIDS Monster Movie Marathon, continues with its frighteningly freaky interview with Count Randolpho de St. Mark Boyd, famous star of the infamous but classic AIDS Monster Movies...

Randy Boyd's Blocks: Ladies and Gentlemen, here now, the great Count Randolpho's personal list of his top 15 all-time greatest classics from the AIDS Monster Movie Series.

Count Randolpho de St. Mark Boyd: Finally, Thank you. Thought you'd never ask. Here's my list of favorite movies, followed by my own personal commentary.

15. An AIDS Monster Is Born. Hey, we all gotta start somewhere, right?

14. Lost on AIDS Island. Story of a small American coastal village gripped by fear of a mysterious STD that kills. I'd rank it higher, but it kinda felt weird to me when the AIDS Monster was the only one left standing in the end, after every one killed each over being scared to death of me.

13. General AIDS Hospital of Horrors. Later re-released as 9 daze n Hell. Tightly shot, darkly lit, a psychotic monster is unleashed on an innocent little hospital run by nuns. I'm not sure I ever recovered fully from that emotionally draining shoot.

12. AIDS Monster Vs. the Needler. Ah, yes, the drug-themed thriller. The crash at the end was kinda a bummer.

11. The AIDS Monster Goes to Washington. A patient black man dreams of change and making a difference in the world. He even dreams of meeting a black president who shows him some love and compassion.

10. Bride of AIDS Monster. In spite of the sad ending where the beast is alone again, it's a nice piece of work. So was she. The AIDS Monster wouldn't mind working with her again, if you know what I mean.

9. Son of AIDS Monster. It could happen now, you know, thanks to science.

8. Take My HIV, Please! It didn't do so well at the box office, but hey, I love musical comedy.

7. Clean People vs. the Poz People. As per usual, the first installment was the best and Clean People vs. the Poz People 17, Revenge for the Return of Patient Zero, did not work at all.

6. Teenagers from the Land of Poz. What can I say? It was my breakout role in a runaway hit. So what, if in real life, I was a 23 year-old UCLA cheerleader who had just been infected with the virus by an anonymous donor. The actors on 90210 are way older than their characters, too.

5. Stop Fighting AIDS Already!. My one shot at playing a boxer who could've been a contender. Lucci'ed again at award time.

4. Dawn of the Disease-Ridden. The black and white cinematography rocked.

3. Night of the Poz People. The follow-up to movie no. 4. We did it better the second time around. The white's man conspiracy angle scored well in the urban markets.

2. Attack of the AIDS Monster. Back to the Future wasn't the only hit of 1985.

And the Count's favorite AIDS Monster Movie of all time ...

1. A Mother's Worst Nightmare. What can I say, I love physcho dramas.

Randy Boyd's Blocks: Fascinating and enlightening, if not just a bit entirely creepy. Count Randolpho, is there anything else you'd like to add?

Count Randolpho de St. Mark Boyd: I see you remembered what the great Cordello taught you in journalism when you were a North Central High School Panther. You're a good Joe the Writer.

Q: Anything else?

A: Coming soon to a bookshelf near you: The Bearcat Boyz on the Road of Life, Bearcat Boyz 1 by Randy Boyd. Life is nothing but a Dreamville. Coming September 2009. Oh, and one more thing,

Q: Go.

A: Have you hugged your AIDS Monster today?

...

Interview with the AIDS Monster, a special part of the AIDS Monster Movie Marathon @ Randy Boyds Blocks, posted backwards in installments throughout Halloween Weekend, 2008.

A Halloween Treat, Rare Photos of Count Randolpho

Photo above: the lost movie poster for the never released, The Unclean

A Halloween Treat, a-comin' & a-goin'

Photo above: Movie poster from the original Attack of the AIDS Monster

A Halloween Treat, Presented Backwards

Photo above: Movie poster from the classic hit Night of the Poz People

“Interview with the AIDS Monster” is a presentation of RandyBoydsBlocks.com

Copyright © 2008 by Randy Boyd. All Rights Reserved.

Randy Boyd is a 46-year-old author who has been living with HIV/AIDS for 23 years. His four novels feature main characters who are black and living with HIV/AIDS.

A 1985 graduate of UCLA, Randy's novels have been nominated for five Lambda Literary Awards. Randy is grateful to the great Count Randolpho de St. Mark Boyd, the infamous star of the classic AIDS Monster Movie series, for his time, patience and granting of this rare “Interview with the AIDS Monster.”

More of Randy Boyd's P.O.V. on HIV

Come Again, If You Dare, for Halloween Treats

Coming tomorrow: a special Halloween Treat ...

Poz People Magazine named him the Scariest Man Alive.

AIDS News Tonight calls him, “One of the biggest actor slash moguls in Hollywood,” and adds, “his nickname should be 'AIDS, Inc.'”

Unfortune Magazine says, “the AIDS Monster Movies are a more popular throwback than the music group Abba among young homos worldwide.”

“The new craze in the gay world,” says Disease-Free Magazine, “has become 'clean-only,' bareback sex parties, complete with drugs, club music and monitors playing the classics from the old AIDS Monster Movie series.”

“With a muted soundtrack,” says Walking Corpse Weekly, “the party rages on, while on the monitors above, the AIDS Monster ravages the unsuspecting citizens of some small town in the middle of the night.”

“Men of all colors intermingle their hot sweaty bodies in a raw ritual of dance, sex and party favors that literally take them out of their minds,” says Spreading Virus Monthly, “while the screams of the victims of the AIDS Monster fall on deaf ears in the newest craze in young gay America: rerunning the classics of the once famous AIDS Monster Movie series from the old days.”

“Who knew a washed-up actor who once played a popular villain—then was left for dead—would revive his career, reinvent himself for the umpteenth time and build a media empire on the profits of a long-forgotten creature in the night?” says Infection Weekly.

“The great Count Randolpho de St. Mark Boyd has risen yet again,” says AIDS Forever Monthly. “The beady-eyed old black man has survived as his generation's worst nightmare to become the stuff of the next generation's worst nightmares, if only in their minds.”

And now ... author Randy Boyd proudly invites you to his author blog for a special Halloween treat.

Interview with the AIDS Monster

Randy Boyd goes one-on-one with the great Count Randolpho de St. Mark Boyd, the infamous star of the classic AIDS Monster Movie series.

Come to the Blocks for what promises to be a very special and frighteningly freaky Friday.

Interview with the AIDS Monster, this Halloween on RandyBoydsBlocks.com

Kiss Me, I Have AIDS

Is it possible to be HIV-positive and sexy? You bet. People living with HIV/AIDS can be just as sexy and sexual as people living without HIV/AIDS. Why, poz people can have great sex with neg people (and other poz people) and if they're having safer sex, no virus need be transmitted from one person to another.

So why do so many online ads feature HIV-negative gay men warning the world: disease-free only?

Do gay men understand what is and isn't safer sex? Are the fears real or based on ignorance? And what about HIV-negative gay men who have unsafe sex with other HIV-negative men? Is that the best way to prevent one from acquiring AIDS and other STDs? Absolutely not.

The best way to avoid getting HIV/AIDS is to practice safer sex with everyone, regardless of their HIV status. And the best way to look at people who are living with AIDS is to think of them as human beings, capable of being sexy and sexual without infecting those who are living without AIDS. What a miracle!

More Randy Boyd on living with HIV/AIDS

Light at the Beginning of the Tunnel

Sixteen years ago, I had the privilege of interviewing acclaimed poet Essex Hemphill, who died of AIDS in 1995, just as the world began to embrace the Internet.

While his energy lives on though his passionate words, I've been fortunate enough to survive living with HIV/AIDS thus far. As such, it is a great honor to keep alive the voices lost too soon to an epidemic that for years knew of no light at the end of the tunnel. Here now, light from our recent and dark past: Interview with Poet Essex Hemphill (1957-1995)

Don't Miss a Block

Freak of the Week

He's been named the Scariest Man Alive. Now he's coming to this blog for an exclusive, tell-all Halloween interview. Are you brave enough to face your fears? Come along, if you dare, and meet one frighteningly fierce freak, this Friday on RandyBoydsBlocks.com

The Grapefruit Theory, or What Men Really Do

Many pro athletes act as if all pro athletes are 100% heterosexual 100% of the time.

Yeah, right. And all priests are raging celibates; no policeman or fireman has ever sucked dick; no married politician has ever been fucked in the ass; no American soldier has ever tossed his buddy's salad; and of course, no pro jock has ever fallen in love with another man.

"It's called being a man, and with rare exceptions, there are only two kinds of them."

Get real, America. People and people's sexuality come in as many varieties as people. So what makes a man gay? If he doesn't stop jacking off with his frat bros and embark on a life with a wife and kids? What makes a man straight? Because he says so? Because he only fucks around with other men in adult bookstores?

When I was a lonely teenager looking for love and sex in late-1970s Indianapolis, I turned to bathhouses. I was a scared kid, so I only went at off times, usually weekend afternoons.

Saturdays and Sundays were popular with married men. Many would casually admit to telling the wife some variation of, "I'll be at the hardware store." During that time, I came across more married men with backed-up plumbing than "gay" men looking for fag sex.

This kid knows very well what married men do.

It's time for the naivete and delusion to end, time we stop kidding ourselves and start being honest about what men are: descendants of the great apes capable of fucking a grapefruit if the moment is right.

I call it the Grapefruit Theory. Sure, a man can check a box on a census survey that says he straight. He can even rack up an impressive list of female conquests. He can be known as the stud of studs. He can be the toughest, most vicious linebacker or best home run hitter in the business. He can even be a fervent champion of anti-gay rights.

The fact remains, what's straight can be bent, and what's bent can be straightened out to look like something different altogether.

Just as in the halls of Congress, the locker rooms of America are filled with men who say they're one thing, but in reality, what they really are is "one thing at a time."

As in: "I'm straight when you see me delivering a commercial or chest-bumping on the field, but sometimes, when you're not looking, I'm not so straight the way you think I am."

It's called being a man, and with rare exceptions, there are only two kinds of them: men who admit to having sexual relations with other males in their lifetime, and men who aren't brave enough to admit it (or act on their true nature to want to have sex with everything).

So as you're watching the warriors of today do battle on the playing fields of America, just remember: some of the warriors are going to have sex with other men after the game. Play on!

"When In Doubt, Feed the Dog" Is Good, Too

It's said that dogs know many words and I believe it.

Aside from his name, Boomer knows exactly what I mean when I say treat. And he knows tons more words—of course, the standards like come and sit—but he also knows words and phrases unique to our lives, like "be back," "Granny's coming," or one of my favorites, "Daddy Time," which Boomer understands to mean: time for Boomer to take a nap and time for me to be my own version of what I like to call a male sexual dawg.

A man's gotta have his treats, too. So do neutered dogs, and fortunately for Boomer, he gets his every time he hears me utter the word treat! He also gets to star in my novels as characters like Hip, the golden mutt in Walt Loves the Bearcat.

It works out pretty well, our communication. Although I must say, Boomer gets a lot more treats than I do.

Note 2 Self: Post some excerpts of Boomer's appearance in Walt Loves the Bearcat in a future installment of When In Doubt, Pet the Dog, my memoir or column or blog feature or periodic journal thingy about my single-black-author-life with Boomer, aka Fat Dawg, aka Daddy's Special Buddy.

Loving with AIDS

I love at least five black men with HIV/AIDS, and that's just within my own head!

I love Othello, the closeted pop star who tests positive, then plots to assassinate a homophobic US Senator in Uprising, my first novel.

I love Derek Mayfield, the young man who tests positive, then changes the lives of two straight white teenage brothers in Cancun in Bridge Across the Ocean, my second novel.

I love Kordell Christie, the upstanding, HIV-positive businessman who gets caught up in a wicked thriller with some wicked freaks in The Devil Inside, my third novel.

And I love my crazy little Bearcat, aka Marcus Colemen, the UCLA cheerleader who dreams up two lifetimes of romance and flying football stadiums in my fourth novel, Walt Loves the Bearcat.

In my younger days, I dreamed of fatherhood. My books are like my kids. Not only am I happy with how they turned out, I adore the four protagonists, all black males living with HIV/AIDS, but more importantly, living lives full of the dreams all humans dream, namely the pursuit of truth and love, as seen on TV and in the movies.

I love my four men and the man who created them, which means I love five black men living with HIV/AIDS, just within my own head.

To think there was a time when I wasn't sure I could love one black man, with or without AIDS.

Miracles happen.

I wonder how many more black men living with HIV/AIDS I can love.

How many black men living with HIV/AIDS can you love?


Randy Boyd's four novels have been nominated for five Lambda Literary Awards. Randy's books are available wherever books are sold (see book covers in sidebar for Amazon.com links).

More about Randy Boyd's novels

Coming soon to RandyBoydsBlocks.com:
More about Randy Boyd's next novel.

This Halloween, Fear Lives Here

He's been called the Scariest Man Alive. Now, he's coming to the Blocks for a fright fest from your worst nightmares. Met him, if you dare, this Halloween on RandyBoydsBlocks.com

See sidebar (top right) to subscribe to RandyBoyd'sBlocks.com.

Dear Oprah: Please Read "Walt Loves the Bearcat"

How does a little known black author let Oprah Winfrey know about his little known but wonderful novel? He contacts her through Oprah.com like billions before him.

What does a little known black author say in a one-page, one-shot letter to the goddess who could make his little known but wonderful novel a worldwide phenomenon?

If the letter had room for only one passage from the little known book, what passage would the little known author choose?

Here now, my letter, sent to Oprah Winfrey on July 25, 2007.

Dear Oprah,

My name is Randy Boyd. I am a 45 year-old black male who has been living with the AIDS virus for 22 years. In the summer of 1985, at the age of 23, I graduated from UCLA, and (a month later) found out I was carrying the virus (the same day Rock Hudson told the world he had AIDS).

To survive, I dreamed. Now, two decades later, I share those dreams with the world in the form of my fourth novel, Walt Loves the Bearcat. The “plot” revolves around a lifelong romance between a black college cheerleader and a white college quarterback, who goes on to become the first “out” pro superstar athlete. The “soul” of the book revolves around my journey living with AIDS and the life I imagined for myself had I not been infected.

I once heard from your own lips that you disliked being sent books, and I take you for your word. Unfortunately, I’m also not a very well-known author. I’ve published four novels, been published elsewhere, and received five Lambda Literary Award nominations, but I realistically refer to myself as a small fish in a tiny pond next to an ocean the size of the universe. More than anything, I wanted to do my part to let you know about me.

The following passage from Walt Loves the Bearcat best expresses what it feels like being me, a 45 year-old black male homosexual who has survived AIDS since 1985:

"We live in an age where we are inundated with countless images from countless sources, from TV to movies to pop-up ads. A huge percentage of those images deal with love, sex and romance. Still, rare or nonexistent is the occasion where I encounter an image that reflects who I am and what I dream of. Even rarer and more nonexistent is the occasion where I encounter an image that might encourage another soul to dream of loving someone just like me."

—from Walt Loves the Bearcat

Thank you for your time. You can find out more about me, Walt Loves the Bearcat, and all my novels on the web.

Blessings,
Randy Boyd

NOTE: To date, the little known author and his little known book have not heard from Oprah, but Walt Loves the Bearcat was a Lambda Literary Award finalist for Best Romance and is available wherever books are sold. Get Walt Loves the Bearcat now at Amazon.com

My Own Personal AIDS Tattoo

In 1991, an acquaintance who didn't know I was HIV-positive shared with me his solution to the epidemic: "People with AIDS should be required to wear tattoos above their private parts."

That way, he theorized, the innocent would be forewarned before unwittingly having sex with a carrier of the virus.

The conversation inspired a similar discussion in my first novel Uprising, but now, in 2008, I offer a better solution, at least from where I'm standing: tell the whole world via a blog,

I have AIDS.

That way, the scared can run, the judgmental can judge, the compassionate can show compassion, the educated can learn, the world can witness, and I don't have to get a tattoo branding myself.

I have AIDS. I own it. I own who I am. Consider this blog my permanent tattoo. Pretty colorful, huh?

More of Randy Boyd's POV on HIV:
Disease-Free At Last
On Being HIV+ Like Magic Johnson

Fear this Freak for Sure

He's a freak! Or a ghost! Or a monstrous villain! Or a scary figment of your fears! Whatever he is, he's coming to this blog next week. (Yikes!) It's going to be really scary around the Blocks for Halloween. Join the fun, if you dare, with the Scariest Man Alive, next week on RandyBoydsBlocks.com

See sidebar (top right) to subscribe to RandyBoyd'sBlocks.com.

That's So Gay, and Dirty and Disease-Ridden!

Kudos to the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network for their Think B4 You Speak campaign that helps people understand that the popular saying “that's so gay” is the kind of language that hurts people's feelings (and sometimes causes those people to wanna blow your head off).

Now can GLSEN or somebody work on a campaign to snuff out popular phrases like “clean” and “disease-free.” Those are the words often used by people who are looking for love and sex and want to avoid getting HIV/AIDS.

As in, my attributes are “I'm good looking, in good shape, and clean and disease-free, so UB2 (because I don't want to get HIV/AIDS and become dirty and disease-ridden).

Of course, I don't mind people wanting to avoid acquiring HIV/AIDS or any other medical complication in life. What I do mind is people avoiding people with disease as a way of avoiding the disease. That's ignorance, fear and all the other negative shit that makes people hate and separate.

People who are HIV-negative can have all kinds of safer sex with HIV-positive people and still walk away without getting HIV or AIDS. So not only are the HIV-negative people in question discriminating against me and my kind, they're doing it with some of the most hideous, heartless and hateful phrases humans ever dreamt up.

Just like that's so gay, words like clean, bug-free and disease-free represent the kind of language that is harmful, insensitive and divisive. Personally, I know of at least one person who thinks, just for a moment, of blowing off the heads of every thoughtless, clean and disease-free, inhumane human who chooses to use those words. And if one person is pissed, others are pissed, too.

How many ways can you tell the world you're better than someone else?

How many ways can you say it to their face?

Would you say it to their face?

Come say it to my face.

But let me put away my weapons first. Now go ahead. Say it. Call yourself clean and disease-free to my face. I wanna watch your eyes tremble as you try to decipher how an angry, dirty, disease-ridden black man that's so gay is gonna react to your words.

On a more personal note: Good thing I got my writing to work out my "issues."


Randy Boyd is a five-time Lambda Literary Award finalist and the author of four novels featuring main characters who are not "clean" and "disease-free." Randy himself has been the opposite of "clean" and "disease-free" since 1985, when at age 23, he found out he was HIV-positive, not HIV-negative (the correct medical terms).

Also, check out, Would You Say That to Ryan White?

What Is a Lesbian? 1988-2008

Bridge Across the Ocean @ 20, Part 3
What Is a Lesbian? 1988-2008
The third of a four-part blog series on Bridge Across the Ocean, Randy Boyd's second novel and a Lambda Literary Award Finalist for Best Small Press Title

“Some of the biggest people in the entertainment industry are gays and lesbians.”

“I’ve heard that before, but what is it?”

“What, lesbian?” From anyone else, I would have never bought such ignorance. What kind of unaffected town is this place he calls home? I asked myself. Surely, even in Norman Rockwell paintings, they know what lesbians are.“Why, a lesbian is a gay woman, a woman who’s gay.”

“But a guy can’t be a lesbian?”

“Not unless he gets a sex change and only dates women. A guy is gay. A girl is gay or she’s a lesbian.”

—from Bridge Across the Ocean

Derek Mayfield, a young black man with HIV/AIDS, must explain to a naïve teenage boy the difference between the words gay and lesbian in my second novel, Bridge Across the Ocean. The scene takes place in 1988 on a warm sandy beach in Cancun. Derek has just come out to the straight-identified teenager, who is now full of questions about the mysterious world of homosexuality. The scene and the novel are both inspired by real-life events from 1988.

I named some lesbians in the public eye and he reacted with the same astonishment as he had with the male sports figures.

“I had no idea,” he said after I named a black singer. “She’s beautiful.”

“And she makes herself beautiful for other women.”

“I had no idea.” He stared out toward the sea, flabbergasted as if he’d just contemplated the very meaning of the ocean, its depths, motions and mysteries, and come up with nothing. “I had no idea.”

It was at that moment that I realized that, until now, I had no idea just how naive and impressionable [this kid] truly was.

—from Bridge Across the Ocean

Back in 1988, at the age of 26, I was shocked and awed to realize that some teenagers in America were still ignorant about the existence of gays and lesbians. I thought we had come so far. Heck, I had just attended my first-ever gay pride celebration. Wasn't America right behind me, coming up from the rear, so to speak? Apparently, not as swiftly as I had imagined.

Fortunately for me—and lesbians everywhere—the world is catching up to the notion that homosexual men and women do exist. In your own neighborhood. In your school. In your church. On your sports teams. Seated in America's stadiums. Sleeping in bed with their husbands and wives every night (in "traditional" marriages, mind you). Heck, sometimes, gays and lesbians are right next door! Or even living in your own house! Why, I'm almost ready to go out on a limb and say, at any given moment, any American alive could be in bed with a homosexual right this minute—one way or another, mind you.

Yep, I'm guessing the naïve American teenagers of today aren't so naïve as the two teenage brothers who hero-worshiped me during the fun-filled, Mexican adventure that inspired my second novel. Twenty years later, the American teenagers of 2008 know exactly what a lesbian is.
A lesbian is someone who can have her own sitcom, talk show, music or political career and be openly lesbian and proud of it.

A lesbian is someone who can be an athlete and get paid for it.

A lesbian is a woman who can go to college and make out with lots of females who are eventually headed for the alter with a male.

A lesbian is a heterosexual male fantasy that allows males to compartmentalize the idea of homosexuality into a vicarious adolescent fantasy.

A lesbian is a heterosexual male concession that says to women: “Okay, you've got enough balls to admit wanting to fuck around with the same sex, which is more than I can say, so I'll just watch.”

A lesbian is a marketing niche for corporate America, capable of morphing into anything from reality shows to characters on dramas to two moms choosing their child's date on MTV.

A lesbian is someone who was around with a helping hand when gay men started dying off in the 1980s, when neither the US government, corporate America, American citizens, nor scared gay American men were willing to care for or about people with AIDS.

A lesbian is a woman who loves women romantically but can have, love and raise all the babies she wants.

A lesbian is a woman who wants to have the same rights as other Americans to marry the one she loves.

A lesbian is a reason for a lot of the great progress in America and the world, from the beginning of time.

A lesbian is a type of person who will exist as long as humans do.

A lesbian is like any other human being, someone who cannot be defined, classified or stereotyped into any single behavior, thought or lifestyle.

A lesbian is someone with whom I might have a shot at my getting laid by a chick dream.

A lesbian is someone with whom I might have a shot at my fathering a child dream.

A lesbian is a word created by humankind to describe behavior and feelings that can't always be categorized and defined and put in a box, even a lesbian one.

A lesbian is all in your mind, whether the year is 1988, 2008, or some other year created by some other manmade calendar.

A lesbian is as a lesbian does.

A lesbian is whatever you dream a lesbian to be.

• The third of a four-part blog series about Bridge Across the Ocean, Randy Boyd's second novel, and a Lambda Literary Award Finalist for Best Small Press Title
  

More Bridge Across the Ocean @ 20 NOW:
-Bridge Across the Ocean @ 20, Part 1
-Bridge to Somewhere: Where the Boys Are Today (Part 2)

More Bridge Across the Ocean @ 20 COMING SOON:
-Another Boy, Another Bridge (Young Jock God Offers Oral Sex for Magazine Subscription)

Get Bridge Across the Ocean now at Amazon.com

Joe the Writer

Click here for Randy Boyd's bio and contact info

Gay Dudes Ball, Too

Read College Football Players: Lighten Up on Your Gay Teammates!
Also: Dear NFL Players: Tear Down This Wall
Plus: Boy Jock Becomes Cheerleader

Life + AIDS = Art

Being a writer was one of my earliest childhood dreams. Living with HIV/AIDS was not. To date, I've published four novels, all of them featuring main characters who are black, gay and HIV-positive. My books are like my kids. I'm happy with how they turned out and proud of their five Lambda Literary Award nominations. Most of all, I'm filled with joy knowing I'm realizing two of my deepest dreams: storytelling and living!

More about the novels of Randy Boyd

Halloween with the Scariest Man Alive

Later this month @ RandyBoyd'sBlocks.com: a Halloween Monster Fest straight outta your deepest fears and most frightening nightmares. Bound to leave you with chills, thrills and night sweats! Come spend Halloween with the Scariest Man Alive, creeping soon to the blocks!

See sidebar (top right) to subscribe to RandyBoyd'sBlocks.com.

Can We Be Faggots Together?

Scott (last name withheld) made it official when he called me faggot. That was the only word the blond basketball jock ever uttered to me in high school. Faggot. We were alone on a walkway, two students passing in the light of day. Faggot. I idolized him and his balling skills, thought he had one of the best asses in our class. Faggot was all I knew about how Scott (last name withheld) felt about me.

One day, the basketball jock showed up to school with bruises all over his face. A short time later, he transferred to another school. Faggot. My socially retarded mind created an entire mythology based on my lone interaction with Scott (last name withheld).

I dreamed of a novel where a blond basketball jock calls a black nerd faggot, but what the blond jock really means is, “can we be faggots together?” The two lost souls drift through life until reuniting as adults. The story ended with the black character dying tragically. Faggot.

They called me faggot in high school. They were right. I was, still am and always will be a faggot. But never again will I ever be a faggot who believes that men like Scott (last name withheld) are better or better off than me.

And never again will I conceive of novels where the black heroes of my dreams die tragically. Faggot

Randy's Believe It Or Not

I'm guessing not many Americans can say, "I love a black man with AIDS."

I used to be one of those Americans. Then I learned to love myself, modern day plague and all. I've shared the journey in my four novels and a few magazines. Here now: my story, as told in two publications from 2008:

• Randy Boyd in Poz Magazine
• Randy Boyd in HIV Positive! Magazine

Homo QB Wins Super Bowl!

For 21 years, Marcus Coleman has fantasized about a lifelong romance with a handsome college quarterback he once saw in a photograph.

Thanks to the Internet, Marcus discovers the former quarterback’s whereabouts.

Thanks to a shot of tequila, Marcus dials the former quarterback’s number.

Thanks to a curious twist of fate, the former quarterback answers the phone with: “Marcus, when you coming home?”

How big a deal can one pissant little photo turn out to be?

Big enough to take you on a fantastical journey featuring the first superstar athlete to come out while in the prime of his pro career. From the Sugar Bowl to the Super Bowl, a story of love, football and some very potent daydreams.

Your ticket is your imagination!

Walt Loves the Bearcat
by Randy Boyd
A Lambda Literary Award Finalist for Best Romance

Read your choice of excerpts

Click on links below to select

• If that's what being gay is, I'm no longer a homo
• You know everybody else would see us as being fags
• The locker room is just an empty space
• I'll dream with any nigger, spic, prick or faggot
• The game of football does not come naturally to LA
• Chicago is like the big Macho Dad
• Walter's Emergency Wife
• The puppy didn't care for Reggie on the Down Low

Get Walt Loves the Bearcat at Amazon.com

First Gays, then Animals, then More Cock-Teases

This November, California voters will answer a marriage proposal. No on Proposition 8 means no to an old world view of life and yes to same-sex marriage. Yes to the ballot measure means no to the inevitable future of America and a desire to remain in the past, when marriage was defined as a traditional institution between a man who fucks around on the side and a woman who pretends not to enjoy having sex.

Does anyone with a logical mind believe same-sex marriage will not happen in this country by the time Barack Obama's grandchildren are old enough to run for office?

Perhaps the doubters have reason to doubt progress and the march of time. Then again, perhaps we can all go back to driving around in Model T's and not believing germs cause disease. Maybe we can all go back to a dial-up internet connection while we're at it.

Recently, two NFL players came out ... with anti-gay-marriage messages, and they're not the only pro jocks to sound off. During the last national election cycle, Atlanta Braves hurler John Smoltz threw a wild pitch when asked about his views on the subject with his “what’s next, marrying animals?” comment. Here now, my response to athletes who still refuse to accept an idea their grandkids will think is no big deal: same-sex marriage.

First Gays, then Animals, then More Cock-Teases
This article first appeared @ Outsports.com in July, 2004

Dear John Smoltz of the Atlanta Braves,

I agree with your gay marriage comment. No, not the PR-driven “my bad” that you’re trying to pitch to us now. I’m talking about your OC. Your original comment. See, no matter how you spin it, meant it, glaze it, daze it or make it disappear into thin air, you made your point of view on gays and the idea of gays marrying quite clear when you said:

“What’s next? Marrying animals?”

There’s no mistaking how you feel about homos when those words come out of your mouth in that order. And I say ... right on!

They just don’t get it, most homosexuals. Don’t they realize that marriage was invented for the red-blooded, natural citizens of nature? That marriage is the institution by which we teach our children basic values and how we keep society from going all crazy and doing very unseemly and unnatural things?

If we start marrying Adam and Adam or Eve and Eve, the results will be catastrophic. The fallout will fall out even in the sports world, I’m afraid, which is why we need good, upstanding and conservative natural citizens of nature like you, Mr. Smoltz, to speak out.

Just imagine, if gays marry, the whole world will go crazy and not know what to make of marriage anymore, and the sports world will not be immune to the chaos.

• A famous pitcher could be playing for, say, the Cleveland Indians one day, then the next day, get attacked by his wife and his wife’s high heel while speeding down the highway.

• Strapping, good looking white pro quarterbacks will have to resort to dating 25 cock-teases simultaneously on national television, and after a little more time than it takes to play an NFL game, he’ll be forced to choose one to be his fairy god princess and bride for life.

• Love children of the gladiators of sports will start coming out of the woodwork, announcing themselves as the product of extra-marital hook-ups, sullying big name guys we worship, guys as big as Tug McGraw, Karl Malone, Doctor J, and Strom Thurmond (member of the original Ancient Greek Nude Olympic Wrestling Team).

• If gays are allowed to marry. What’s next? Groups of people marrying? Baseball player husbands cheating on spouses as beautiful as Halle Berry? Basketball player husbands going on business trips to Colorado, then having to remind their young wives they love them with $4,000,000 rings? Football players become so rich and famous they’re raising the kids of the wife/mother they butchered?

• If homos honeymoon, watch society crumble. Watch millions of human beings of the female persuasion dedicate their lives to getting laid by as many athletes as possible, some for future child support, some just for the pure pleasure of being able to fuck a jock. Watch these women spend hours at team hotels and places the players frequent, just to be a (damned lucky) piece of tail for some married pro athlete.

You’re damned right, Mr. Smoltz, gays need to keep their noses out of the good old fashioned institution of marriage. Image if that whacko hockey player and his “roommate-lover-agent?” had been married when the whacko hockey player tried to hire a hit man to off his “spouse”?

They got a right to be married? No way! Only natural citizens of nature deserve the privilege of being total jackasses to their Dearly Beloveds.

Marriage should continue to be reserved for men and women, because only straight people can understand, value and respect the sacred commitment of matrimony, that is, when they’re not hitting one another with high heels on the freeway or pretending to be strong family men while denying the existence of loose seed that continues to grow in the form of a fatherless child.

Good thinking, Mr. Smoltz, glad to see you have an open mind and a good grip on reality. Pitch on!

• Randy Boyd is the author of "Walt Loves the Bearcat," the story of a lifelong romance between a college cheerleader and quarterback who becomes the first out superstar athlete. "Walt Loves the Bearcat" was a Lambda Literary Award Finalist for Best Romance.
  
  
  More about Walt Loves the Bearcat
  
  Get Walt Loves the Bearcat now at Amazon.com
  
  More Randy Boyd on Homos In Sports:
  College Football Players: Lighten Up on Your Gay Teammates!
  Dear NFL Players: Tear Down This Wall