New American Dictionary for Angry White People

Once upon a time in America, the world was a-changing and a lot of (mostly) white Americans (who viewed themselves as conservatives) were very upset about all this change.

They wanted no part of change. They wanted the world they inherited from their parents and grandparents. No a-changing here.

So they revolted. Threw a tea party to express their anger. When that didn't work, they declared, fought for, and won their independence from the King of England.

"Restore America [to an earlier time when white man ruled and darkies didn't aspire to be President.]"

Along the way, they created an entire mythology around the war, obscuring one of the reasons they went to war: England was ridding itself and its empire of the institution of slavery and Americans wanted no part of it. The world was a-changing.

And that is the lost reason for the American Revolution.

Another once upon a time, the world was a-changing and a lot of (mostly) white Americans (who viewed themselves as conservatives) were very upset about all this change.

They wanted no part of change. They wanted the world they inherited from their parents and grandparents. No a-changing here.

And so they rebelled. Drew a Mason-Dixon Line in the sand. When that didn't work, they started a Civil War.

When that didn't work, like the insurgents of today's Afghanistan and Iraq, they terrorized the land, South and North, killing Americans of all colors in violent raids.

When that didn't work, they dreamed up a hooded order of Klansman, who would create an entire lexicon and mythology for a reign of terror that lasts to this day.

And that is the real reason for the creation of the KKK.

"Elite Liberals [educated people who don't believe in fairy tales.]"

Today, the world is a-changing and a lot of (mostly) white Americans (who view themselves as conservatives) are very upset about all this change.

They want no part of change. They want the world they inherited from their parents and grandparents. No a-changing here.

So they're revolting. Throwing a tea party to express their anger. Along the way, they're creating an entire mythology and lexicon to support and reinforce their point of view.

Here now, the newest edition of the American Dictionary for Angry White People:

Restore America (to an earlier time when white man ruled and darkies didn't aspire to be President; and brown people and other ethnicities [and their points of views] were marginal, at best.

Tea Party (like it's year of the actual Boston Tea Party when Americans and their values revolted against their British King, who was light years ahead in the slavery debate.

American Values (the God-given [which one?] right to say that your values are uniquely American, unlike the other guy, who also happens to be American but values something different than you).

Preserve the sanctity of marriage (so that only couples of the opposite sex can promise to love one another forever--until they get a divorce).

Elite Liberals (educated people who don't believe in fairy tales like Santa Claus, Jesus and slick talking Republicans who don't have the common man's interest at heart).

Welfare (tax breaks and government-funded finances that the federal government doesn't give to rich corporations or rich people).

Tax Breaks (welfare for the rich).

Take America Back (to a time before Civil Rights, Hispanics and Muslims, when only heterosexual white men were allowed in places like the halls of Congress and the finer establishments; take America back from anyone who thinks of non-Christians as equals; from elite liberals who give welfare to the poor instead of the rich!).

This newest edition of the American Dictionary for Angry White People is brought to you by the event that precipitated (by one month) the modern day Tea Party: the inauguration of the First Black President of the United States of America.

And that is the real reason a whole lot of (mostly) white Americans (who view themselves as conservatives) are very upset about all this change.

The world is a-changing. The world is a-changing.