4/30/2011

Food Services Is Closed for the Night

Boomer's a beggar. Whenever there's food, he's there with those big, brown eyes, giving me that look, the one he hopes earns him a piece of ... something, anything.

I guess I can't blame my twelve-year-old golden mutt. Aren't all dogs beggars?

Some historians theorize it was young wolf cubs begging around early man's campfires that led to the creation of man's best friend.

Still, you'd think two squares a day, plus treats, would be enough for my best friend.
"Some days, I feel like a treat machine."
Not so. Boomer wants a piece of everything, even though I rarely give him anything. Anything that is, except his food and the occasional bit of people food.

Did I mention the chicken breast treat he gets each and every time we come in the house after he's done his business? Or something good?

Some days, I feel like a treat machine, or a dorm cafeteria worker, which has to explain the phrase I came up with to give myself a respite from my dog's begging.

I say it as I'm tidying up the kitchen before going to bed. Naturally, Boomer joins me with that hungry face that says, pretty please?

That's when I look directly into those big, brown eyes and utter the one thing that puts an end to the begging:

"Food services is closed for the night."

At which point Boomer lowers his head in resignation, exits the kitchen and goes to sleep. At which point I exhale with relief to know the stalking, excuse me, begging, is over, at least for another day.

4/28/2011

Keeping Up with Randy Boyd's Blocks

To the millions upon millions of fans of my books--who don't know it yet--did you know that there's a way to keep up with Randy Boyd's Blocks?

That's right, if you love Randy Boyd's Blocks like I do, you'll want to make sure to get every single post.

All you have to do is prescribe yourself a subscription to Randy Boyd's Blocks. There are two ways do get 'er done. You can subscribe by email and get the Blocks via email, or you can subscribe to the Blocks in your favorite news reader.

The choice is yours, but I were you, I'd wouldn't want to miss out on a single Randy Boyd Block. Then again, if I were you, that would mean that you're me and ... I still wouldn't want you to miss out on a single block! So subscribe! Please?

4/26/2011

Pacer Crazy

Yes! Yes, Your Honor, I admit it: I’m in love with the Indiana Pacers and I hate everyone and anyone who gets in their way.

The love affair started in childhood (what doesn’t?). Daddy was a perplexing man (whose wasn’t?), but on many occasions, he took my brother Stephen and me to the Fairgrounds Coliseum in Indianapolis to see black men with big Afros and white men with long sideburns, all of them wearing short shorts and playing ball for the Indiana Pacers.

The league was called the American Basketball Association, but they might as well have put Ringling Brothers somewhere on the logo. They used a red, white and blue basketball and came up with kooky innovations like a 3-point shot and a slam dunk contest at the all-star game.

The Pacers squared off against teams like the Virginia Squires, Utah Stars, Miami Floridians, and the dreaded Kentucky Colonels, almost as hated as those dreaded Kentucky Wildcats, who (along with Purdue, who broke Scott May’s arm late in the regular season), cheated the unbeaten Hoosiers outta an NCAA title in 1975.

4/25/2011

He's No Fool, No, Siree!


He rides a trike with one K, but clearly, if his wife let him, 103-year old Octavio Orduño would also be carving it up on a Trikke with two K's.

For quite some time, the oldest living cyclist in Long Beach, CA, couldn't keep his eyes off my black Trikke Tribred Pon-e at the grand opening of the new downtown bikeways on Saturday, April 23, 2011.

"He wants to swap," said a pretty lady named Helene. My Trikke for his trike, the three-wheel bike he rides around the city. Saturday, he stood atop the Pon-e like a happy young boy, then asked me to show him how its ridden, looking on with the wonderment of someone a fraction of his age.

The Trikke brings out the kid in all of us, no matter who we are and how old we get. Octavio Orduño is living proof.

Randy Boyd's Trikke Blocks

Trikke Randy was the name of my first column on the Blocks about my amazing journey with the joyride of the 21st century.

Now, the journey continues with Randy Boyd's Trikke Blocks, which also includes my previous posts as Trikke Randy.

But wait, there's more! In addition to my Trikke Blocks on my author blog, you can also find me carving up Long Beach Trikkers, the local hub and club for trikkers in Long Beach, California, and TrikkeWorld Magazine, the chronicle of the carving revolution, both co-creations of myself and my good friend and fellow trikker Jeri Thompson.

What will we think of next? Stick around and find out on Trikke Blocks, now and forever at Randy Boyd's Blocks.

4/24/2011

Lucky to Live in Long Beach

When I first moved to California from Indianapolis, where I was born and raised, I never imagined living in Long Beach. Now, some thirty years later, I can't imagine not living in Long Beach.

As a college freshman at USC in 1980, I'd barely heard of Long Beach, let alone dreamt of living in the mid-size burg 25 miles south of downtown Los Angeles. After all, my California dreaming had been fueled by Three's Company, Starsky and Hutch, CHiPs and countless other Hollywood depictions of life in LA. To my knowledge, no shows beamed like sunlight from the golden, star-studded streets of Long Beach (little did I know).

4/19/2011

Good News

Once upon a time, television news gave us important information, thoughtful opinions and intelligent analysis.

Then came the modern, 24-hour-cable-news-era, with its "breaking news" about car chases, celebrity breakups and "tonight's special episode of Dancing with the Stars."

Believe it or not, there still exists one newscast that gives us important information, thoughtful opinions and intelligent analysis.

It's newest name is the PBS Newshour, but their game is the same as it ever was: simply the best news on TV with the least amount of celebrity hype and hyperbole.

Want better TV journalism? Check out the Best News on Television.

4/17/2011

What Makes a Man a Fag?

Men fuck around with other men. I know because I'm one of them. And I will not take this "fag" rap alone.

What is a fag? A man who only fucks around with men? A man who admits to fucking around with men? A man who walks, talks and acts like a sissy? How many blow jobs from another man does it take to make you a fag?

Men fuck around with other men. What makes a man straight? Marriage? Kids? A manly voice? Talking about pussy all the time? Your preconceived notions about men and fags?

If baseball heroes can smile on camera and lie about steroids, is it possible that baseball heroes can smile on camera and lie about fucking around with other men?

What makes a man a fag? What makes him a man? Who's doing what to whom on what night? What year? What reality?

Men fuck around with other men. I know because I'm one of them; and I'm living to tell.

4/11/2011

Debbie Done Good

One of the neatest things about being a trikker is connecting with other trikkers at group rides and local events here in Southern California.

After all, the three-wheel "bike" known as the Trikke is still a newfangled invention in the world, sort of like the bicycle ten years after it first surfaced on the planet.

Ergo, we trikkers are a passionate breed, but we're a breed with a relatively small population. That's changing, though, thanks to the Internet and a growing global community of trikkers and Trikke skkiers.

In California, newbies are continually finding out about and joining what I like to call the So Cal Trikke Circuit. In January, 2011, Debbie Bumgardner was such a newbie.

A trikker from the San Fernando Valley, Debbie heard about the fledgling circuit on the net and joined Long Beach Trikkers and SouthBay Trikke for the MLK Trikke Ride in Long Beach, CA.

She's been a regular at group rides ever since, and now her "weight loss by trikking" story is the subject of a very cool LA Times article by fitness columnist Roy M. Wallack.

One of the things not revealed in the article: Debbie kicks ass on the Trikke path. We're talking head of the pack! Bumgardner's got skills!

Congrats on the Times story, Debbie. So glad to have you in our TrikkeWorld.

4/07/2011

Clancy

When I was age seven, our family got its first-ever family dog. We had just moved into our new home in suburban Indianapolis. The four kids were attending new schools in Washington Township, which still has a great reputation among public school systems. Like the Jeffersons, we had moved on up. The excitement within our family was palpable. We had arrived.

Naturally, we needed a family dog. Being the youngest, I had the least amount of say in our canine of choice, a black Scottish beagle that one of my older brothers named Clancy (after a schoolmate's dog).

Dare I say--I had the closest relationship with Clancy. After all, it was me he leaned on that first scary night in his new home. He came to my bed, whimpering. I gently carried him back to his brand new dog bed in the family room.
"My father's beating up on my mother and it's not getting any better.”
Clancy bit me once. I tried to pick him up after he broke his leg when sleeping underneath my father's soon-not-to-be-parked car. The adults assured me the bite was Clancy's natural reaction to the pain in his leg. I never doubted them or Clancy.

It was Clancy who first taught me: when nervous, anxious or full of doubt, pet the dog. The lesson occurred when my parents were arguing, my mother with words and tears, my father with brutality.

“Should we call the police?” I asked my older sister, the only other sibling home at the time.

“Let's wait and see if it gets any better,” said my sister. We were both scared of my father's anger and what that anger made him capable of.

A short time later, my mom tried escaping by locking herself in her bathroom. Didn't work. What's a flimsy wooden door to a man who hits the mother of his children? I decided to call the police on my own.

“My father's beating up on my mother and it's not getting any better,” I told the emergency operator. She promised to send someone out, something I knew would make my father even angrier.

Clancy was a barker. He barked at any stranger coming up our driveway. I knew this would tip off my father that the police had arrived, so I joined Clancy in the backyard, sat on the back porch and held him in my lap, stroking him. I told Clancy I was doing this to avoid alerting my father, but in reality, I was holding onto my dog out of sheer fright. I had no idea what else to do except pet the dog.

A short time later, a burly white cop knocked on the front door. My father answered, talked his way out trouble, then told me and my sister: “If you ever call the police again, I'll kill you.”

The law let me, my mom and my sister down that day. But Clancy didn't. Not only did he not bark at the officer, he provided me a good deal of comfort during the whole ordeal.

Clancy died when I was age eleven. He chased after a car that didn't bother to stop after hitting him. The owner of the car, a female, had driven down our street daily, usually after 5 pm, but never again. It would be another 25 years before I had another dog, Boomer, whom I found at the exact same location we had found Clancy, the Humane Society of Indianapolis, not far from the family home.

I'll never stop loving Clancy and I'll always be grateful for what that little black beagle taught me: when in doubt, pet the dog. A measure of calm will come to you, and no matter the challenge, life won't seem so bad.