11/10/2010

Tea Party Rock

Ain't no party like a tea party, so raise your hands in the air like you just don't care.

About angry, home-schooled, hetero-sexist republicans on steroids trying to take America back.

To a time when Negroes, queers, Mexicans and Muslims were not part of the real America.

Ain't no party like a tea party, so raise your hands in the air like you just don't care.

But if you do care, imagine the future If the Tea Party Ruled the World.

11/09/2010

God Don't Bless Un-America

American Values. American Tradition. Will of the American people.

What values and traditions are American and not French, British, or Peruvian?

Do the American people have one single will?

A lot people are basing their public crusades on what is and isn't American, and conversely, what is and isn't un-American.

Confused? You won't be after reading Un-American Acts in America: a Brief History.

11/06/2010

Are You a Kennedy Baby?

We were born during Camelot.

We were the little cheeks he kissed and welcomed into the world.

We were born in his America.

We are now running America.

Hear us roar: We are the Kennedy Babies.

11/05/2010

President Obama's Faults

The home foreclosure crisis is President Obama's fault.

The drug war in Mexico is President Obama's fault.

The fallout from the Great Recession is President Obama's fault.

The next tsunami to hit Asia is President Obama's fault.

Washington gridlock is President Obama's fault.

The fact that I'm still single is President Obama's fault.

The billions spent to wage war in two Middle Eastern countries is President Obama's fault.

The terrible record of the Dallas Cowboys is President Obama's fault.

The polarization of America is President Obama's fault.

High unemployment is President Obama's fault.

Brett Favre sexting is President Obama's fault.

The rise of Tea Party witches is President Obama's fault.

All bad weather this winter is President Obama's fault.

The decline of America is President Obama's fault.

The record number of threats to the life of the first black leader of the United States is President Obama's fault.

The fact that you won't get everything you want for Christmas is President Obama's fault.

The fact that one in five Americans believe Obama is a Kenyan born Muslim is President Obama's fault.

Steve Carell leaving the Office is President Obama's fault.

Life is President Obama's fault.

11/03/2010

Scariest Halloween Trikke Ride Ever

Last year's treat: the Best Halloween Trikke Ride Ever. This year's trick: the Scariest Halloween Trikke Ride Ever, so far.

Picture it: Halloween 2009. A dozen or so trikkers have the audacity to show up for something called the Trikke & Treat Halloween Trikke Ride, sponsored by SouthBay Trikke, Southern California's largest and leading local Trikke dealer.

The Trikke is the freaky-looking, three-wheel carving sensation that's taking the world by storm, making it a natural for freaky-looking Halloween fun.

Last year's ride happened on a perfectly warm and sunny Southern California day, the kind that reminds local residents why they live there.
"'Twas the night before Halloween Ride II and the weather was trying to be a killer."
Many trikkers, including this reporter, were giddy with excitement: our first group Trikke ride! The perfect weather made for a perfect day that turned into the perfect first-ever Halloween Ride.

Would SouthBay Trikke try to produce a sequel this year? You bet! These local Trikke gurus have been putting on events all over So Cal, including the Labor Day Ride of Long Beach, another perfect day.

But as Halloween Ride II neared, so did terrifying news of a trikker's ultimate nightmare: rain!!! (Cue the lighting, the thunder, the screams, the horror!)

Almost as bad, if not worse, another terror was predicted by the weather witches: COLD! (Cue the screams, the shrieking, the shrinking of private parts, the horror!!!)

Would Halloween Ride II even happen? Or would the weather slay the day like Jason or Freddy or Chuckie?

'Twas the night before Halloween Ride II and the weather was trying to be a killer.
"There's something about seeing all the fun people are having on a Trikke and wanting to be a part of it."
SouthBay Trikke and its loyal followers were haunted by the prospects of a hellish sequel, driven to madness by the uncertainty, brought to the brink by a deluge of rain that poured throughout the night, each drop melting away the dreams of every trick or treating trikker, from Ventura to Pasadena to Long Beach to Escondido to Tustin to Venice to a rain soaked Torrance Beach, site of Trikke Off at 10am, or so it was hoped.

After the terrifying night, dawn broke. The light revealed a Torrance Beach that was still rain soaked, but a little less than expected. Things were beginning to dry out already. The weather witches had flow away, off to terrorize elsewhere, but the South Bay was beginning to see a better day.

The Clarion call went out: Halloween Ride II was going to have a happy ending. Trikke Off is at 10am as scheduled; it's gonna be another day in paradise in Southern California!

Instead of a dud, SouthBay Trikke pulled off a fantastic sequel. Nineteen trikkers showed up for the second annual Trikke & Treat Halloween Ride. And by this Trikker slash reporter's estimate, 10,000 people enjoyed the show along the beaches of Torrance, Redondo, Hermosa, and Manhattan.
"That looks like so much fun! I want one of those!"
For a day that started out with wicked weather, Halloween Ride II turned into a feel-good action thriller, so to speak. The action: trikkers rockin' and rollin' in packs, capturing the attention of walkers, bikers, volleyball players, beachgoers, kids, everyone at the beach for what turned out to be a warm and sunny day.

The action: trikkers dressed as sexy witches, salt-and-pepper shakers, Robin Hood (winner of best costume), Medusa, the Mad Hatter, Uncle Sam, Elvis!

The audience reaction: that looks like so much fun! I want one of those! Look at that! So cool! Where can I get one? Can I try?

There's something about seeing all the fun people are having on a Trikke and wanting to be a part of it. Maybe it's human nature to want to join a Trikke party. It's safe to say it's the human nature of this reporter, now a veteran of two Halloween Rides.

The nineteen trikkers were young and old, large and small. short and tall, male, female, different skin tones, different backgrounds, but the diversity is almost invisible when everyone's there to Trikke. It's as if we're all kids meeting at the playground, ready to play. So let's Trikke!

And Trikke we did at the second annual Trikke & Treat Halloween Ride, sponsored by SouthBay Trikke. I can hardly wait until Halloween 3-D!