Theme Week!

Thanks for stopping by the Blocks during HIV-P.O.V Week.

I love theme weeks. lol More to come!

Until then, you can always check out HIV-P.O.V., a blog column about my life with HIV/AIDS for 25 years and counting, now and forever at Randy Boyd's Blocks.

What If I'm Young, Gay and Poz?

Waaaaay back in 1985, I was young, gay and poz.

At the height of the original AIDS Panic, I found out I was infected with HIV/AIDS. I was a 23-year-old UCLA grad of one month.

Twenty-five years later, I'm alive and well, and posting my HIV-P.O.V. on this newfangled thing called the internet. lol

Yep, I've survived being poz, as it's now called, 25 years and counting. I've lived long enough to see a new AIDS Panic and epidemic among whole new younger generation of gay men, especially of color.

"Appoint yourself as the CEO of your health."

Twenty-five years after Rock Hudson shocked the world, countless young men and women America are being infected with the virus daily. I don't have all the answers as to why there's a sequel to the original AIDS Monster Movie, but as a longtime AIDS survivor, I do have some advice for those who are young, gay and poz.

1. Get tested. The more you know about your health, the more informed your life choices and decisions. The sooner you know about any health challenges, the sooner you can do your best to deal with it.

2. Find a reputable doctor who's been dealing with poz people and gets good reviews from other poz people. Appoint yourself as the CEO of your health. Appoint your doctor as your chief medical adviser. Maintain a good healthy partnership. Work together to manage your health.

"Gravitate towards people who see you in a better light."

3. Realize that you are not obligated to reveal your private medical information, including your poz status, to just anyone. Vanquish any idea that you are somehow tainted and must go around apologizing for something about yourself, or adding an asterisk to who you are.

4. If you decide to reveal you status to someone, vanquish any suggestion you're about to give bad news, or something cautionary, as if a dark secret or deal breaker or red flag is coming next.

5. Think of revealing your poz status as you revealing something very personal that makes you unique, a young person who's brave enough to share something so honest and revealing. That means you have guts, more guts than most people. That makes you an interesting person.

How did you get those guts? That confidence? That bravery? That ability to show your vulnerability? You must have a story to tell, a story that makes you interesting and special, a story others might benefit from knowing. Gravitate towards people who see you in a better light.

6. Know that you deserve to be with someone who's smart enough to know that you don't have to be a threat to their health and safely, someone who's educated about safe sex, or at the very least, open-minded enough to educate him or herself about the subject, not run away simply because a great person like you is living with HIV/AIDS.

7. And finally, for more tips like these and so much more, keep coming back to the Blocks to check out HIV-P.O.V., a blog column about my life with HIV/AIDS for 25 years and counting, now and forever at Randy Boyd's Blocks.

Poz? Be Sexy Poz

Behold the new fragrance for men who happen to be living with HIV/AIDS.

Let's face it: men who happen to be HIV-negative can act like highly insensitive jerks with their highly ignorant "clean" and "disease-free" attitudes. Why, it's almost enough to make a poz dude feel less special and worthy. Almost.

Don't inhale the negative thinking of neg dudes. Take a big honking whiff of yourself and realize: sexy is all in your head, not theirs.

Be U. Be sexy poz.

• This message brought to you by Funky Black Poz Jock, because Randy Boyd has Blocks and Balls.

Dear Ryan White

Dear Ryan White,

Wish you were here to give me some perspective on what your generation has made of the post-AIDS Panic world.

They came up with a term: Disease-free. They use it on this thing called the Internet.

Wish you were here to tell this modern world how it makes you feel, hearing people use the term, "disease-free."

—from Dear Ryan White, Wish You Were Here

Why HIV-P.O.V.?

To younger Americans, AIDS is a whisper in the dark. For the most part, they don't much about AIDS, nor are they informed about safer sex.

They simply know AIDS is a monster to avoid, and people who admit to being HIV-positive are the monster's vessel.

When I was a teenager fucking around with older men because that was the only way my socially retarded, alienated, low self-esteemed self could get a nut, HIV/AIDS was not on people's radar, but there were other sexually transmitted monsters lurking in the dark.

Did I heed those warnings? Did I do research to separate fact from fiction? Did I create a sexual game plan for my sexcapades? Did I talk to a doctor about my health concerns? Did I talk to anybody?

Does a young teenager who is dying to buy a motorcycle think he's gonna spin outta control and lose his life?

Some would call it being young and stupid, but if young and stupid people didn't take chances, we'd probably all still be cavemen who can't make fire. Or ride a motorcycle. Or fly to the moon.

Still, it's good to learn how to ride safely. It's also good to learn from the experience of elders. Fortunately, some of them have spun outta control and lived to tell.

HIV-P.O.V., a blog column about my live with HIV/AIDS, now and forever at Randy Boyd's Blocks.

Got Courage?

If you were living with HIV/AIDS, would you tell your family and friends?

If you were living with HIV/AIDS, would you tell the world?

HIV-P.O.V. Week, a whole week dedicated to HIV-P.O.V., a blog column now and forever at Randy Boyd's Blocks.

AIDS Panic II: The 21st Century Sequel

Living with AIDS in America in the early part of the 21st century is like starring in your very own monster movie.

You get to play the sick and depraved villain, while everyone else is so afraid of you, they ignore you on the Internet and avoid you at all costs in real life.

The innocent victims in your monster movie are the townfolk who happen to be the gay males living in your village. These men are terrified of you. They've heard rumors about your kind. They've been warned by their elders about people like you.

"Anyone can become an AIDS Monster."

The elders didn't give them much advice, just: stay away from those ghastly beasts, don't have sex with them, and don't try to understand them or figure out how they got that way. AIDS monsters are just plain wrong. And bad. Stay away from the AIDS monster, kids! Make sure you stay clean!

And the townfolk got the message. They vowed to stay away from HIV-Poz People. They put up warning signs, like CLEAN and DISEASE-FREE ONLY, which must mean that you, the AIDS monster, are dirty and disease-ridden.

But you don't feel dirty and disease-ridden. You, the monster of your own movie, feel misunderstood. You want to befriend the townfolk, maybe even find true love with one of them. You want to tell the village that it's possible to touch an AIDS monster and AIDS won't rub off. You want to show the world how people with HIV/AIDS can have safe sex with people without HIV/AIDS and the clean and disease-free can walk away ... well, still clean and disease-free.

You want to explain to the townfolk that anyone can become an AIDS monster, if anyone has unsafe sex, even with so-called neg people. You want to explain that everyone can avoid becoming an AIDS monster if everyone has safer sex with both poz and neg people.

But the townfolk, the gay males in the village, they turn a deaf ear and blind eye to the AIDS monster. They prefer ignorance. They'd rather reserve their compassion for others. Indeed, the townfolk would rather AIDS monsters were a thing of the past.

But you are an AIDS monster living in the present, and there are countless more monsters just like you living in America. And each dirty and disease-ridden soul belonging to the Poz People is starring in his or her own monster movie in the minds of the Neg People. Why else would so many Neg People be so afraid of touching those who aren't CLEAN and DISEASE-FREE? UB2.

Find out more, if you dare, in the AIDS Monster Movie Marathon, a blog story told backwards in a car driving forward. Fun for the whole family, featuring the exclusive Interview with the AIDS Monster!

When Magic Saved My Life

Your decision to go public in 1991 helped save my life. You single-handedly re-shook up the world, which had grown complacent and ambivalent towards AIDS since Rock Hudson's 1985 announcement.

Your announcement was a stimulus to global effort, as has been your simply walking this earth, being who you are, a sports commentator, a businessman, a former athlete--all the while owning your HIV status with a smile.

You, Magic Johnson, turned out to be the world's greatest cheerleader for conquering AIDS.

—from Dear Magic Johnson, Thanks for Saving My Life

When Magic Made History

In November 1991, Magic Johnson shocked the world when he announced his HIV status in a press conference that became one of those "where were you?" moments in television history.

Where was I? Glued to the TV like most people that day. Only unlike most people, I, too, had "HIV virus living inside my body," as the legendary Laker put it.

Go back in time and see how it felt during the height of the AIDS Panic to be Just Like Magic.

People with AIDS Have Dreams, Too

I dreamed a dream today.

I dreamed people stop using the term "fight AIDS," as if somebody's at war with me.

I dreamed of a world that learns to manage its fear of the virus, as I have.

I dreamed of a world that knows what I know about AIDS.

I dreamed a dream today.

I dreamed my life living with AIDS matters.

—from World AIDS Daydreaming

Four Novels About Four Men with HIV/AIDS

As a child, I imagined stories and movies starring someone like me. Rare was the chance to see a black man who thought like me, acted like me and with whom I could identify. And that was just in real life! On television, in novels and in the movies, I simply didn't exist.

Today, the entertainment world still turns a blind eye, as if they can't imagine someone like me being worthy of a plot.

Fortunately, they don't have to. As an adult, I can imagine it for them. Here now, my four novels to date, all featuring main characters who are more or less, just like me.

A young black man living with HIV/AIDS dreams of an alternate life where he is HIV-negative and lovers with pro football's greatest quarterback. Or is that, a young black man who is HIV-negative dreams of an alternate life where he's living with HIV/AIDS and never meets pro football's greatest QB? Your ticket is your imagination. Walt Loves the Bearcat, a Lambda Literary Finalist for Best Romance.

A famous but closeted black pop singer tests positive for HIV and plots to assassinate a homophobic US Senator, while a straight white FBI agent goes undercover, as a gay activist, to stop him. Which side will you be on? Uprising, a two-time Lambda Literary Finalist for Best Mystery and Best Small Press Title.

An HIV-positive, black gay businessman must save his business and a friend's life by uncovering a sinister plot to demonize all homosexuals. The mind is a terrible thing to fuck with. The Devil Inside. A Lambda Literary Award Finalist for Best Science Fiction, Horror, Fantasy, and a Gaylactic Spectrum Awards nominee for Best Science Fiction Novel.

A young black man tests positive for HIV, then escapes to Cancun, Mexico, where he meets two white teenage brothers who idolize him, not knowing he is living with HIV/AIDS. It's a friendship that will change all their lives forever. Bridge Across the Ocean, a Lambda Literary Finalist for Best Small Title.

Welcome to my world.

An AIDS Story 25 Years in the Making

July 2010 marks the 25th year of my living with HIV/AIDS. I found out I was infected the night Rock Hudson shocked the world in 1985. I was a 23 year-old college grad of one month. Life expectancy was 12-18 months. I thought I was going to die.

Twenty-five years later, I'm still here. Anything is possible. Miracles happen. You are not guaranteed to die of AIDS.

I first heard those words in 1988 at an HIV information meeting. The very idea seemed like science fiction, but ya gotta believe. You gotta believe that anything is possible. You gotta help those impossible odds by doing your best to stay healthy, live healthy and think healthy.

HIV-P.O.V. is a blog column at Randy Boyd's Blocks. This week on the Blocks, it's HIV-P.O.V. WEEK, featuring the best of HIV-P.O.V., plus new reflections on living more than half my life with HIV/AIDS.

Clean Your Disease-Free Mind

If you are educated, compassionate, open minded and open-hearted, there is no need to classify yourself as “clean” and “disease-free.” Only the ignorant, fearful and cold-hearted need use such words.

If you are not educated about HIV, google it, and consider what reputable health sites like the CDC have to say. And remember, calling yourself “clean” and avoiding others who are not “disease-free” in no way keeps you safe.

—from AIDS and Common Sense

Visual AIDS = Reality Shift

The same spirited moves I’ve done since childhood--the dancing that made me a cheerleader (and fag)--are now called “street dancing,” a cool unisex craze for kids today.

The “young, gay and horny” behavior that made me “sick” to my peers now gets equal time with the “young, hetero and horny” behavior on MTV.

By living long enough to witness subsequent generations, I see their behavior in my own and think: The first half of my life, I lived in a world where I felt wrong for being who I am. The second half, I’ve realized: There’s nothing wrong with who I am, and the world is catching up to understanding that same idea.

—from Halftime Show, an essay that appeared in the April 2008 issue of Poz Magazine.

Could You Live with HIV/AIDS for One Week?

What if you had to live with HIV/AIDS for one whole week?

What if you had to live with HIV/AIDS for the rest of your life?

HIV-P.O.V. Week, a whole week dedicated to HIV-P.O.V., a blog column now and forever at Randy Boyd's Blocks.

Staying HIV-Negative

"Millions of gay men are fucking around, not using protection, not having safe sex, not really knowing what is and isn't safe sex, all while assuming they'll be just fine as long as they only fuck around with other dudes who are 'clean.'

Simply put, this 'disease-free' mentality is not keeping anyone safe. It's doing the exact opposite and lies at the core of the new HIV/AIDS epidemic in America among men who have sex with men."

—from How to Stay HIV-Negative in an HIV-Positive World

Aids for People with AIDS

"Never take any one test result, or diagnosis, or single day at the doctor (or visit to the hospital for that matter) as the final verdict and determiner of your life.

Anything can happen. You're not guaranteed to die of (fill in the blank)."

—from The Most Important Thing AIDS Has Taught Me

Guilty of Surviving

"I have no idea why I have survived HIV/AIDS for 23 years and counting.

I have no idea why so many others have not been as fortunate, people like the souls sitting next to me in the doctor's office 23 years ago, 20 years ago, 15 years ago, 10 years ago, 5 years ago, last month.

We were all in the same foxhole in the same war, which isn't even over. The men and women seeking medical treatment in the 1980s and 90s were in the same trenches as me. We were all under siege from both a virus that was killing us and a world that feared us."

—from AIDS Survivor's Guilt

Remembering Essex Hemphill

Acclaimed poet Essex Hemphill died of AIDS in 1995, but his thoughts about race, and sexuality resonate well into the 21st century, as exemplified by the number of times his name appears in online profiles under favorite authors.

In a 1992 Q&A, the influential poet ruminated on topics as diverse as the controversial movie Basic Instinct, white men's obsession with the black penis, and the idea that Madonna pirated her Vogue act from a marginalized community.

It's Essex unbound in Interview with Essex Hemphill.

Being Positive About Being Positive

I see it all the time: young men sharing their HIV-positive status with the world in ways that denote shame and embarrassment. As if revealing one is poz is like saying, "I've got something very bad to tell you. Brace yourself ... I'm ..."

A modern day leper? A sinner? A dumb-ass who's no longer disease-free? Destined to die of AIDS? No longer desirable?

I once felt all those things, until I realized: I'm even more remarkable for having survived over two decades with HIV/AIDS. With my mind, body and spirit still intact. Still believing in my dreams. How amazing is that!

HIV-P.O.V. Week at Randy Boyd's Blocks

What if you had to live with HIV/AIDS for one whole week?

What if you had to live with HIV/AIDS for the rest of your life?

HIV-P.O.V. Week at Randy Boyd's Blocks

See life from the point of view of someone living with HIV/AIDS for more than half his life.

Dreaming a Better AIDS Dream

"You don't have to die of AIDS. You don't have to live in fear of AIDS. You can love someone with AIDS and not acquire the virus. You can even learn to love living with AIDS should you yourself become infected."

—from Your Choice: AIDS = Love, or AIDS = Hate

Nothing to Fear But Your Ignorance

"I am here to tell the world: you can love me! You can really, really love me!

You can touch me, kiss me, lick me, tickle me, hug me, poke me, play with me, even have sex with me, and not become infected with HIV.

It's called safe sex. It's the thing that prevents all people from acquiring all kinds of diseases.

If you have safe sex with your sex partners, presto! ... no HIV!"

—from How To Love Someone with AIDS

Stop Calling Me Disease-Ridden!

Dear HIV-Negative Men:

Stop calling me dirty and disease-ridden! Every single time you call yourself “clean” and “disease-free,” you call me, a person living with HIV/AIDS, “dirty” and “disease-ridden.”

And it hurts. Yes, that's right. I admit it. It hurts my feelings every single time I surf the internet and encounter the words “clean” and “disease-free” in reference to health, and I am not alone.

Using phrases like “clean” and “disease-free” while looking for love and sex only tells the world you're misinformed about safer sex and thoughtless in choosing your words.

I understand wanting to avoid viruses, but unfortunately, the disease many so-called “clean” and “disease-free” men suffer from is ignorance and a lack of compassion.

THE FACTS:

The medical terms are HIV-negative and HIV-positive.

If you're practicing SAFE SEX, it doesn't matter if your sex partner is HIV-negative or HIV-positive.

If you're practicing UNSAFE SEX with anyone, regardless of HIV status, you're practicing discrimination and not taking responsibility for your own health.

If you're using terms like “clean,” “disease-free,” “DDF,” “bug-free,” “no bugs,” and the like, you're using words that have different meanings to different people.

Using those different words with different meanings while negotiating sex could lead to you yourself becoming the opposite of “clean” and “disease-free.”

Wise up. Think. Does using those harmful words represent you at your best?

Do Men with AIDS Deserve Love?

Nowadays, people can live long, healthy lives while living with HIV/AIDS.

But can people with AIDS have healthy sex lives?

Yes they can. Even with people who are HIV-negative (with safer sex).

Does America know this? Or does America still fear all things AIDS?

What if a TV network was brave enough and bold enough to have the Bachelor be a man who happened to be living with HIV/AIDS?

Would fans of the popular reality dating show still tune in? Would controversy erupt?

What a brutha living with HIV/AIDS really wants to know is: Are my romantic hopes and dreams worthy of Hollywood's attention? Your attention? Anybody's attention?

Is it too much to ask the world to Dream of a Sexy, Black Author Living with AIDS?

Is anyone listening if I shout, America, Hook Me Up!

Fear Takes the Cake

"After the candles were extinguished, the rest of my co-workers (more than a dozen people) stood against the wall, all refusing cake.

There were excuses about diets and such, but the real reason was evident: no one dare eat a birthday cake on which a person with HIV/AIDS had blown out the candles."

—from Visual AIDS: Out of Sight, Out of Mind.

The AIDS Panic in America

The AIDS Panic in America began as a scary rumor in the early 1980s, then erupted into a full scale Sexual 9/11 during the summer of 1985, beginning with AIDS Night in America, starring Rock Hudson.

Below is a first-hand account of the AIDS Panic, as told by Count Randolpho de St. Mark Boyd in the blog story: AIDS Monster Movie Marathon:

On July 4, 1981, Americans were celebrating their independence.

Unbeknown to most, the day before, the New York Times had served the world written-notice: on the radar was a grimmer, more gruesome-told-you-so-worst-case-nightmarish-way-to-die-scenario than all the teen horror flicks combined. A thing we would later come to call AIDS.

"After Rock Hudson's shocking announcement, America had full-blown AIDS Panic."

A lot of people didn't take the initial AIDS warnings too seriously, for one reason or another.

Then four years later in 1985, on another July day in America, Rock Hudson admitted he had AIDS and the so-called Sexual Revolution received its 9/11 wake-up call. After Rock's shocking announcement, America had full-blown AIDS Panic.

The AIDS Panic raged like a fire out of control, with waves of pandemonium and mayhem ebbing and flowing, with fumbles and advances by scientists, with awareness and lack thereof, with attention and ignorance, with funding and less funding...

...with news coverage and less news coverage, with meaning in the gay community and very little meaning in the gay community.

"Picture the virus as a great athlete on the basketball court."

The focus and attention coincided with things like: priorities in rich communities, in black communities, in Latino communities, in Washington, in local government, in compassionate humans' hearts and minds.

The AIDS Panic, Part I, ended circa 1996. Scientists and the FDA unleashed the first protease inhibitor, the first class of drugs that had a new, more effective strategy in mind against the virus.

Picture the virus as a great athlete on the basketball court. We'll call him Magic Jordan Miller.

You can't stop Magic Jordan Miller with what you've got right now; you can only contain him by studying his tendencies and weaknesses and adapting a good defensive strategy to minimize his damage.

The team known as the Scientists released their “magical” new defensive opponent around Christmas, 1995. In 1996, the strategy started to show Santa had delivered.

But it wasn't over. Not by a long shot. As long as Magic Jordan Miller is in the game, you got to defend it and defend it well at each and every opportunity, feel me?

HIV-P.O.V. Week on the Blocks

What if you had to live with HIV/AIDS for one whole week?

What if you had to live with HIV/AIDS for the rest of your life?

HIV-P.O.V. Week at Randy Boyd's Blocks

Life from the point of view of someone living with HIV/AIDS for more than half my life.

When I Was Young and HIV-Positive

I had no support, no one I could talk to. It was a crazy time, a very panicked time. There was talk about quarantining people with AIDS. All I could do was keep it a secret and hope it wasn't true. I would go to work, and everyone was talking about AIDS. I compartmentalized my life. I walked and talked like everyone else around me. But a part of me knew I had AIDS.

—from Randy Boyd in HIV Positive! Magazine.

What If You Weren't "Disease-free?"

I wonder how those who died of AIDS would feel, knowing some people now call themselves “clean” and “disease-free.”

I also wonder about the AIDS babies who survived. How do they feel, hearing their peers use terms like “clean” and “disease-free?”

More than anything, I wonder: how I can play a part in helping us all dream better dreams.

—from Would You Say That to Ryan White?

When Whoopi Goldberg Broke My Heart

Watching The View each morning gives me hope ... hope that humans can be humane to one another despite their diverse beliefs in the causes they're willing to live and die for.

But one day, moderator Whoopi Goldberg hurt my feelings and broke my heart.

The discussion occurred during the scandal in which the New York Governor was nabbed in a prostitute sting. While referring to the sexual health of the prostitutes, Whoopi said something like, “as long as they're clean.”

Why does use of the word "clean" break my heart and the hearts of many with HIV/AIDS? Find out in Dear Whoopi and the View: What Am I, Dirty?

Where Were You on AIDS Night In America?

July 25, 1985, was AIDS Night In America. Here is a first-hand account of that night, as told by Count Randolpho de St. Mark Boyd in the blog story: AIDS Monster Movie Marathon:

It was a sobering day of epic proportions in American and world history.

In a time when the number of celebrities and access to them was a great deal less than that of today, Rock Hudson's announcement that he was being treated for AIDS shocked the world on July 25, 1985.

The images of the famous actor struggling to and from airports in the US and France, his beloved female co-star Doris Day by his side.

"How many Americans were scared shitless on AIDS Night in America?"

The visions of a frail, fading, emaciated Rock, a man who represented masculinity, virility, and acceptable heterosexual behavior (as seen on TV and in movies).

It was as shocking as finding out a huge celebrity of today has some mysterious, fatal disease from having sex with the wrong kind of people, as determined by the Bible and Bible-thumping Americans.

Told you so. AIDS = Evil. Ooops. I know what you did last summer for the last 20 years, which means you could be the next Rock to crumble to death by AIDS. Very publicly, by the way.

How many Americans were scared shitless on AIDS Night in America, 1985? Kids, go ask your parents! Really! Go talk about it with them. Ask them what it was like hearing on the news that there's a chance they could have AIDS like Rock Hudson.

Parents, maybe you could share it with your horny teenagers, and the younger siblings who look up to them, maybe you could share with them how it felt hearing scientists on the news telling the world, “not much we can do about this strange new fatal disease right now, but we think it's sexually transmitted.”

Ask them how it felt getting a wake-up call that said, “all that sex and experimenting you've been enjoying, you've been having that sex with all the people those people have been having sex with, too.”

America was shared shitless for a very long time. Can anyone say Ryan White? Remember him?

Remember the babies with AIDS who were shunned from the world?

Remember the constant news footage of weak, sick, frail skeletons of gay men dying in hospital death beds, aliens on public display, abandoned by their loved ones, their neighbors, their landlords, their jobs, their co-workers, their medical staff, their very right to live and die in America?

It all began on AIDS Night in America.